I mock people….and enjoy it…

I had a group of 4 young ladies in tonight….and I use the term ladies very loosely. They were kinda slutty looking, and really snooty. They didn’t like me from the start because I had three tables sit down at once, and they were the third, so I told them it would be a minute. When I finally got to them, they were bitchy. Two of them (one was 22, and the other turned 21 two days ago) ordered cosmopolitans because “they must be good, they drink them on Sex and the City all the time”, and the 3rd ordered a virgin daquiri. The 4th only had a glass of water. Anyway, I get the cosmo’s, and the daquiri was going to take a minute. I drop the alcohol off and go about my business. A couple of minutes later, the fat one tells me her opinion of the drink. “Like, Oh my god its way too strong, i just cant drink this, i took two sips and had to have a drink of water it’s so strong, you have to take this away”. Think of all this said in 5 seconds in a very thick valley girl accent. I take the drink to the bartender, and proceed to use her accent..”Oh my god, her drink is just too strong, she had to like drink some water after 2 sips of her like drink like oh my god”. Mr. B, one of my bartenders, adds some more cranberry juice to her drink, and i drop it back off. A few minutes later, I walk back to the table. “Like oh my god, it’s still too strong, I just can’t enjoy this you have got to take it off our tab, and take hers off too they’re just so horrible they just don’t know what they’re doing like oh my god”. So I take the drinks back to the bar, and I don’t think these little bitches can see me when I get the same valley girl accent again. “Like oh my god they just cant handle these drinks they’re just too strong they cant even enjoy these drinks you just don’t know what youre doing can you like so call a manager for me?” So Mr. B and Ms. R call Mr. M the manager. I use said accent with Mr. M, who laughs his ass off as he comps the cosmopolitans. Next thing I know, the fat one has walked up. “Like do you make it your business to regularly mock your customers, because I can read lips and like I saw you mocking us to him and her and her and him and him and him” to the point that I was looking at her wondering when she’d shut up because all I heard was “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…blah blah blah”. I wanted to tell her, “Do you really want the answer to that? Yes, I make it my business to mock all my guests, especially when they’re annoying little girls who think they’re as hot as the women on sex and the city, and order drinks accordingly and cant handle them” But I didnt, I just stood there wondering when she was going to shut up. Mr. M the manager was still standin there, trying not to laugh as this bitch tried to ream me a new asshole, then took me to the back saying “I have to make it look like I’m yelling at you, I should have stopped you but it was funny, blah blah blah don’t do it again, blah blah blah, go back to work” That quote is exact.

The moral of the story is, I’m probably going to mock you if you’re an utter moron like those bitches were.

Thanks, Your friendly neighborhood sirloin =)

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