Some things you should NOT say to your server

I’ve been thinking about some of these things for a while, and tonight just seemed like the night to post the list. Here are some things that you should just not say to your server when you’re out eating, either because it’s going to piss them off or because it’s just plain rude and makes you seem like a worthless piece of excrement.

“You missed a spot.”

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15 thoughts on “Some things you should NOT say to your server

  1. I stumbled across this blog from the ‘Upset Waitress’ site and I have to say I think it’s awesome. I started working in food service when I was 15 and just recently quit to become a zookeeper (seriously). I’m 24 now and going through all of your posts sure brings back memories. You’re a great writer….I’m adding this blog to my favorites list.

  2. How long have you been open?

    Does anyone in the kitchen speak English?

    I don’t like the lighting. Can you change them?

    Can I smoke here? (no smoking in any bar or restaurant, by city ordinance)

    I don’t like anything on the menu. What do you recommend?

    All real things people have said to me…

  3. You forgot my perenial favorite….. “Do you serve food here?”, as you’re schlepping by with a tray laden with platters of the stuff! Dumbasses!

  4. My pet peeves: 1)”Smile!” I usually do, but I don’t have one plastered on my face 24/7. 2)”We drove all the way from ____ to get (insert menu item). Well, then our dinners should be free since you don’t have it!” If eating that particular item is so important, pick up the phone to insure that we do have it before you drive for an hour to get it. And, no, dinner is not free because we are out of something. 3)”Got the time?” when my hands are full. I have heard that at least 1000 times so if I don’t fall down laughing it isn’t because I’m having a bad day or am humorless bitch. 4)”Can’t we get happy hour prices now? It’s only 20 minutes away.” No! 3pm means 3pm and if I ring it in earlier, you’ll get charged full price. So either order a real drink at full price since you obviously want one or come back later. Please do not commit the cardinal sin of ordering a water and then sitting at my table or bar pouting until 3 because you came in early and expected special treatment. You want a drink, pay for it! I just had to add these because the snowbirds are flying in for season and asking the same old shit again this year.

  5. I understand about a lot of things on the list, but if you’ve been at a restaurant and ordered your drinks, appetizers, and main entree and have even already eaten you appetizer and still don’t have utensils to eat you entree with, what’s wrong with asking? It’s stupid to ask if you’ve just sat down, but I have been to pretty decent restaurants that the server totally forgot to bring silverware until our main course was on the table. Luckily, the appetizers and my dinner were finger foods, so I didn’t mind that much, but it was kind of hard from my friend to eat chicken curry and rice without a fork.

  6. My favorite, always said by the funniest customers, “Well, there goes your tip!”
    Ha ha. How about if I came to where they worked and if something happened said, “Well, there goes your health insurance!”

  7. Friday’s is getting rid of the Birthday Song!

    Our manager outlawed it a few weeks ago.

    We still bring them a little sunday and balloons if we feel nice. And the server can sing with the table if he/she wants too. But we don’t have to do all the hoop-la anymore!

  8. I hate when people ask if water is free. I hate it when they ask me if I can carry yet another dish, when plates are literally piled up to my chin. Someone who works at Fridays or Applebea’s can tell me this, but do other restaurants not give free refills on Strawberry Lemonade? I get asked a lot of refills on it are free and wonder if it is because restaurants in our area do not have free refills like we do. Some people are jsut idiots!

  9. I agree with everything on this post, with the exception of the silverware question. I work at a place where we preset our tables, and one of the things that really irks me is when people take it upon themselves to reach over to another table to take the silverware, or the napkin underneath. Why cant you USE YOUR WORDS and ask me, instead of fucking up my preset table?? Anyway the last 2 posts were hillarious as usual, keep up the good work!

  10. I hate when we are on a wait and I take the party’s information and hand them a pager that is activating, so it beeps once when I am handing it to them and they throw it back at me saying that the table must be ready. ITS NOT! I just handed you the pager .03 seconds ago.

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